Opening My Heart in Recovery

I have been attending Overeaters Anonymous (OA) meetings since late September 2012, so for three months now. In the beginning I had spotty attendance, however, and there was only one meeting locally that I have been able to easily fit into my schedule. And of course I've resisted the process all along (from my reading I find that many 12-steppers do resist and rebel).

Image source: http://theopenheartstudio.com/

But anyway, I've stuck in there. A little over two weeks ago I finally got a sponsor (something that had really frightened me to do, but I've been learning to face the fears, realizing that what's on the other side is not really so scary after all) and became abstinent the next day.

Today is the 17th day of my abstinence. Confetti? Oh thank you. You're so kind, really it was unnecessary. Oh and a celebratory cake? It's too much. Really. Too much. ;)

One thing I noticed big time when visiting my family last week for the holidays was how much abstinence (other 12-step programs might just use the word "sobriety") really affects my interactions with others. My heart is much more open and loving and patient. I'm more willing to hug, more willing and able to be a positive and uplifting presence for others rather than a selfish drag on their energy. Consequently, family time this past week was terrific. It's amazing how much better your interactions with others become when you own your part of the negativity. I had one situation this week where I could have responded to someone else's bad mood with my own anger, which is what I would have done before, but I successfully sidestepped it. Instead of reacting by igniting a bomb of anger within myself, I deactivated my "inner bomb." No explosive reactions from ego? That's a nice side effect to abstinence, for sure. This family member's own bad attitude also fizzled out much more quickly than it would have if I'd reacted as I used to, and she apologized.

There was another situation when I did find myself responding to someone from a place of ego, but quickly apologized myself when I realized what I was doing. A good lesson from that particular instance is, "Don't automatically assume the other person is trying to be mean." My ego wants to protect itself, and so ego wants to assume everyone is a danger to itself. Well, ego is wrong, more often than not.

I am changing not only in how I related to family and close friends, but also in the way that I find myself much more easily looking people in the eye (even strangers). I had always attributed this to social anxiety--this unease around people in general--but it's interesting to see how recovery/abstinence allow me to be so much more open to others all around. "Thank you's" and cheerful "Hello's!" to strangers are so much easier. It's not that I didn't want to be friendly before, but it's coming much more easily and naturally now. :)

If you're reading this, and you're in recovery, what changes have you noticed in your interactions/relationships with others? Has your heart been opening up too?