Periodically I will write these milestone entries so that I (and anyone reading who is interested) can understand where I am at and have been so far in my recovery.
Milestone Entry Date: February 21, 2013
This is where I am currently:
In brief:
--From late-Sept. 2012-Dec. 15, 2012 I was in OA, experimenting with food plans, but not yet abstinent.
--From Dec. 15, 2012-Jan. 31, 2013 (One and a half months) I was abstinent
--Feb. 1, 2013 Major binge and break in abstinence
--Feb. 2-Feb. 9, 2013 Abstinence and eating very "clean" with no processed foods
--Feb. 10-16, 2013 visiting with family, break in abstinence
--Feb. 17-today, new Abstinence
Time in OA: approx. 5 months
Current abstinence: 5 days
Longest abstinence to date: One and a half months
For a fuller explanation:
--Have been attending Overeaters Anonymous for 5 months, since late-Sept. 2012
--About a month or so into program I experimented with using a daily food-plan for awhile, which I sent to myself via e-mail. I don't know that I was exactly abstinent at this point, but I was learning more about how much food my body really needed (instead of how much my addiction wanted). This was an important learning period for me. "Progress, not perfection!" ;)
--In mid-December 2012 I got a sponsor and had a month and a half of abstinence. As the abstinence progressed I started allowing myself to eat "reasonable" amounts of dangerous foods, such as fast food, though still maintained a moderate AMOUNT of food.
--In late January 2013 I started researching Alkaline diets and fasts. I was happy to have lost 15 pounds in my first 6 weeks of abstinence and wanted to get my body more clean. On Jan. 31, 2013 I decided to try to do a water-only fast. I got through the day without any cravings and had only minor and brief feelings of hunger. I felt I was doing something great for my body. On the drive home from work I had a very strong urge to eat (very hungry) and ate an apple that I had in my bag just in case. At home I had another apple, then a salad, then went to a therapy appointment. After my therapy appointment (which was pretty emotional) I ate a vegetarian crepe at a nearby restaurant. I felt fine, but later that night as I was heading to bed, passing the kitchen I got a plate of crackers and mac and cheese, etc. and just piled it all together and ate it with a glass of sugary lemonade. I don't know if I was hungry or just craving, it was definitely a compulsive act of eating but not sure how much it was driven by actual hunger? Since my total calorie count for the day was likely pretty minor, I still did not count this day as a loss of abstinence
--The next day, Feb. 1, 2013 I had a full-on binge. I went to a buffet, which is definitely a MAJOR no-no for a food addict! I ate two hefty plates of Japanese food (a lot of fried, carby stuff, and their plates are enormous). Then I went out to karaoke with friends, feeling full to the point of sickness. That night as I was driving home I figured I might as well go ahead and eat some more junk that I wouldn't be able to eat when I got back into my abstinence, so I got a bag of food from the Sonic drive-thru.
--From the week afterward (Feb 2, 2013-Feb. 9, 2013) I ate wonderfully. I ate whole foods (fresh vegetables, fruits, and whole, complex carbs like red cargo rice and proteins like almond butter as well as vegetarian protein smoothies). I had nearly zero cravings and I felt that eating cleaner must be a better way for me, that my previous dabbles with fast food and processed foods had lead me before to my eventual binge.
--Then, the healthy food I had on-hand ran out, plus I got really tired of taking so much time each day planning/preparing my food. This coupled with a trip to visit my family in the next state over (where abstinence is difficult due to emotions and their own food choices), I lost abstinence again from Feb. 10-16.
--I am now abstinent again, since February 17th, 2013. Five days into new abstinence! This time I am trying to eat as "clean" as possible as well but realizing that this is about progress, not perfection and that sometimes eating more convenient foods are beneficial to my overall abstinence. But with that said, I will try my best to choose the healthiest "convenience" foods possible when necessary (such as an Amy's Organic burrito instead of a Taco Bell burrito).
My abstinent food plan going forward:
No fast food
No cheese
No crackers or refined white wheat products
No soda (diet or regular)*
No potato or corn chips
No buffets
*I will note here that during the past week of my new abstinence I have had some diet soda. I had been really good during my initial abstinence of giving up soda entirely. My roommate, who usually doesn't bring diet soda, brought some into the house this week (leftover from an event she went to) and it has been difficult for me not to drink them. I will still count this week as abstinence, even though I have had a few diet sodas over the past couple days. Going forward, though, I choose not to drink soda, which has been a known trigger for me in the past (often combined with food binges). Plus it is very toxic, even the diet kind.
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