Self-Abuse

"I was already in self-abuse at that point–sometimes skipping my morning shower, often looking like I rolled out of bed, and generally being frantic and miserable and hypersensitive to any potentially hurtful comment."--from the blog entry titled "Abstinence Again?" from A 40-Something Fool's Journey

I appreciated reading this and realizing that not taking care of personal appearance and hygiene are forms of self-abuse! For me not keeping my house (especially my bedroom) clean is also a common form of self-abuse. I think it is helpful for me to see it as self-destructive because it helps me to see how important it really is (in my recovery and in general, as a way of learning to love myself more fully so that I can be a more loving presence for others) to really take care of myself and my home. Doing these things is not about vanity, it is about caring for myself enough to wear clean, unwrinkled clothing and not having trash and dirty clothes lying all over my bedroom floor.

I'm already aware that smoking, doing drugs, engaging in risky behavior, and abusing my body with large amounts of excess food are self-abusive, but it's helpful to have gained an awareness that neglecting my personal care-taking (though not quite as insidious as some of the others) is also a form of self-abuse.

My dirty bedroom may not be at the same level as the folks on Hoarders, but although it might be more obvious they are self-abusing because they've done dirty/cluttered to an extreme, I do see now (in a way I haven't before) that I am also being abusive to myself in the way that I keep my room far from the beautiful space I would most want it to be.

So here's to a great lesson: Self-care! Self-love! :)