After four weeks of abstinence I overate yesterday. I didn't feel sad prior to overeating, in fact I felt happier and more content than I had in awhile. I'm forming bonds with people, creating a social/emotional net for myself that I have not had in a long time and it feels good... but perhaps even these good feelings are scary at a mostly unconscious level. I mean surely something was going on to make me feel the need to numb.
Though the voices (devil saying eat eat eat! angel saying don't don't don't!) battled in my head for awhile, the devil won out in the end and I ate everything I wanted, which was neither a healthy nor a moderate meal.
And today I feel fine. I feel calm, no food obsession, the train did not derail from the track. I don't say this to give myself permission to overeat, I say it as an example of how the program has strengthened me. I amletting the higher power move through me and I am seeing beautiful, positive changes in all areas of my life.
I have gone a month without overeating. I have had to learn a lot in that time about my body's hunger/satiety cues (which have been largely ignored for 30 years!) about myself, about the program, etc. I still have much more to learn but I'm well, and happy, and full of gratitude for my recovery and for what I am learning, and for my increased strength.
I have hope and faith where I did not before, and I will take that with me moving forward.
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